


brighten up the sky

by where_you_go



Series: stepping stones [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bisexual Julie Molina, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Canonical Character Death, Drinking, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Trans Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28072182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/where_you_go/pseuds/where_you_go
Summary: Julie drops out of music school, works a shitty job, makes some new friends, falls in love, and somewhere along the way learns to sing again. Because finding your way sometimes takes a few unexpected detours. But you can always come home, even if it takes a while.(Julie's companion piece to 'a demon in my backseat'.)
Relationships: Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Flynn & Julie Molina, Flynn & Julie Molina & Carrie Wilson, Flynn/Carrie Wilson, Julie Molina & Carrie Wilson, Julie Molina & Julie Molina's Mother, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson/Reggie, Julie Molina/Reggie
Series: stepping stones [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056461
Comments: 68
Kudos: 90





	1. january 2014

**Author's Note:**

> And I'm back with more JatP characters making bad substance use choices. This fic is more a series of connected moments that deal with with Julie's journey after her mother's death, so this first chapter takes place several years before 'a demon in my backseat'. That being said, this will probably make more sense if you read 'a demon in my backseat'. This will probably not update as quickly as that fic did because I need to finish this one but also the holidays are a thing. 
> 
> Chapter specific content warnings: canonical character death (Julie's mom), grief/mourning, drinking, implied underage drinking, poor coping mechanisms, drunken cuddling

Carrie Wilson stood at the door of her dorm room and if anything in Julie’s life had made sense right then, she might have been surprised. As nothing had made sense for the last thirty-nine days, seeing her arch nemesis hovering awkwardly in her hallway and carrying a suspiciously clanking tote bag at 9 PM on a Tuesday seemed to just be one more thing that might as well be happening. 

It’s not like her first day back on campus could realistically get any worse.

Flynn had been the one to answer the knock on the door, clearly surprised if her startled “What the hell are you doing here, demon?” had been any indication.

“Fuck off, Flynn, I’m not here for you,” Carrie sneered, pushing her way past the other girl into the dorm room.

“Excuse me?” Flynn nearly screeched, “You come knocking on my door and you have the _audacity—_ ”

“It’s Julie’s room too,” Carrie snapped, dropping her tote bag on Julie’s bed, where it bounced and clanked some more. 

Julie was lying curled up on her side in her bad, tucked into the largest hoodie she had, a lime green monstrosity that didn’t match her pink flannel sleep pants or leopard claw slippers at all, with the hood pulled over her curls and her back plastered against the wall. She watched as Carrie began to pull glass bottles of different shapes and sizes out of the tote and lay them on the bed next to Julie.

“I didn’t know what you liked or honestly if you had any tolerance at all. You do both strike me as lightweights,” Carrie shot a glare at Flynn, “but I have white and red wine or we can just go straight to shots if you prefer tequila.”

“Just because we aren’t alcoholics like every girl in your sorority, doesn’t mean that Julie and I can’t drink,” Flynn crossed her arms, like she was affronted at the very idea of being a lightweight.

“I think you’re just jealous that you aren’t invited to the most popular parties on campus—”

“Oh please, as if I want to hang out with a bunch of boring drunk white people—”

Julie was suddenly very tired. Her first day back on campus had been filled with stares and whispers when she walked in the classrooms, awkward condolences from classmates she barely knew, and everyone treating her like she was a delicate piece of glass that might shatter at the slightest sound. 

She’d been gone for a whole month and Dr. Turner had thought that it was time to go back, but every second of the day had been torture.

And she was so. fucking. tired. of. everyone’s. goddamn. _pity_. 

Before she could think better of it, Julie reached out and snatched up the closest bottle, which just happened to be tequila, twisted the top off, and took a huge swig.

And then started coughing her lungs up.

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Carrie, is this paint thinner?”

Flynn and Carrie, who had frozen in their bickering at Julie’s sudden movement, scrambled up on the bed to sit on either side of her, jostling each other and the remaining unopened bottles, as a small twin bed was probably not designed to hold three grown college students. Flynn thwacked Julie on the back, ostensibly to help with the coughing, and Carrie reached out and took the open bottle of tequila from her. 

“If you’re drinking to get wasted, you don’t want the good stuff,” Carrie sniffed and took her own swig from the bottle, valiantly pretending that her eyes didn’t water. 

“Uh-huh, sure,” Flynn nodded and reached out for a different bottle. “Is that what we’re doing? Getting wasted on a school night?”

Carrie gazed steadily at Julie, lips slightly pursed. “I saw how Mr. Zambroni treated you in Music Theory today. It wasn’t okay. So yeah, I figured you might need to get wasted.”

Julie’s eyes burned at the edges where new tears started to form, as she thought about being put on the spot in front of the whole class and told she was behind, publicly shamed for not having an assignment ready to go, like every teacher hadn’t known exactly why she’d taken an extra week of break. 

Carrie offered her the bottle of tequila again and Julie took it gratefully.

“Fuck yes, that’s guy’s a dick,” she muttered. This time the alcohol still burned going down, but she could feel the warmth starting to settle in the pit of her stomach.

Flynn whooped and held up the bottle of wine she’d managed to finagle open with a pocket knife and sheer force of will, “Cheers, I’ll drink to that! I fuckin’ hate that guy.”

Once they’d settled on mutual distaste of certain professors, conversation flowed much more easily than Julie would have expected, considering the level of venom Carrie typically aimed their direction. They bounced between school and homework and who had hooked up with who last weekend (“Nick and _Kayla_? I thought Nick was into _you_?” “Oh please.”).

Thankfully, Carrie didn’t ask about her mom or her family or how she was _feeling_. Julie probably would’ve thrown up every drop she’d drank if she had to try and pretend for one more second that she was _fine_ and her family was _fine_ and everything was just dandy and _fine_.

Truth be told, Julie had never felt farther from fine, but she couldn’t exactly spill all her feelings to every stranger that asked. She didn’t want to, they didn’t have any right to know her that intimately, and every probing question felt more invasive than the last. Thank God for Flynn’s constant presence and quick words that had turned away more false sympathy today than Julie would have ever been able to cope with. She owed her best friend more than she could ever repay, especially after today.

It didn’t take long for the alcohol to make the world start to go soft and fuzzy at the edges. Julie wasn’t a lightweight; contrary to Carrie’s assumptions, she could throwback shots at the gay bars with the best of them, but she hadn’t eaten anything for dinner and barely touched her PB&J sandwich at lunch. Julie quickly found herself feeling loose, slumping back against the wall and giggling at the most random statements.

“And then - then _Bobby_ is like ‘call me _Trevor_ now, it’s more _sophisticated_ ’ like what the hell dude, I’m your sister not your publicist!” Carrie gestured as if to prove her point, but it was really more like a wild flail and she ended up smacking her hand loudly and painfully against the wall.

“Ow.”

Flynn startling cackling so hard that she snorted - which only made her laugh harder, until she eventually tipped over into Julie’s lap, shaking with continued giggles. 

“You loser,” Julie said fondly, bringing her hand to rest on Flynn’s braids. Despite her earlier protestations, Julie knew that he best friend actually was a lightweight and clearly the one bottle of wine had done her in for the night. Julie started running her fingers over her friend’s head, massaging her scalp until Flynn’s shaking had calmed and she was resting peacefully, snuffling quietly into Julie’s flannel. When Julie looked up, she was almost startled when she saw the open look of longing that Carrie had on her face, staring intently at the girl in Julie’s lap. “Carrie? Are you ok?”

Carrie’s head snapped up and she tried to settle her face and body language back into her usual unimpressed sneer. Maybe it was the alcohol slowing her down or maybe Julie was just looking closer than usual, but tonight it wasn’t a convincing show.

“Obviously, I’m fine,” Carrie huffed, but nervously started running her fingers through her hair.

“Uh-huh, yeah you sound real fine,” Julie raised her eyebrow. 

“Don’t even start with me, Molina. The whole reason I’m here is because I heard you tell about a hundred people today that _you_ were ‘fine’,” Carrie made exaggerated finger quotes. 

At that reminder, Julie scrunched her face up and made grabby hands towards the nearest bottle until Carrie passed it over.

“Then I guess we’re just two people getting drunk on a Tuesday night because we’re both so fucking fine.”

They clinked their bottles together and drank to being _fucking fine_. 

Julie leaned back against the wall, eyeing the girl who three hours ago she would have gleefully shoved into a swimming pool full of acid. Now Carrie was swaying slightly as she fought to stay upright and she looked pink-cheeked, soft-eyed, and most unbelievably of all, human. 

“Thank you,” Julie whispered, gesturing with the bottle in her hand.

Carrie waved her hand dismissively. “This isn’t - I mean, it’s just, like, whatever, you know?”

“No, I don’t know. That was not coherent at all.” Julie had to carefully sound out ‘coherent’ but she made it through all three syllables without stumbling and she was going to take that for the victory it was. 

Carrie huffed and then slowly said, “I know that I’m like a huge bitch or whatever, but I know what it’s like to lose your mom. I mean, my mom just walked out on us and I assume she’s alive out there, somewhere, but still. I remember how it felt to be, you know, _fine_.” 

The monster-shaped swell of grief that had been lying dormant in Julie’s chest for the last few hours suddenly reared its ugly head, stealing the air from her lungs and making her heart squeeze painfully. The magnitude of her loss felt like a gaping chasm that she just couldn’t stop falling into every minute of every day and she didn’t know how to live like this.

“Does it ever stop hurting?” Julie choked out, squeezing her eyes shut against a fresh wave of tears.

Carrie, in a show of gentleness that Julie would never have thought her capable of, reached out and ran her thumb across Julie’s cheek to catch the few tears that still fell.

“Let me know if you find out?”

Julie pulled Carrie closer so that she could slump over on her shoulder, needing the comfort that another body could provide. The alcohol must have really gone to Carrie’s head because she didn’t resist the manhandling or resulting cuddling, just leaned her head on top of Julie’s.

Flynn mumbled something in her sleep and wiggled around until she was draped across both of their laps, snuggling closer to the new warmth. Carrie let out a shocked “oh!” and Julie giggled wetly as the Ice Queen seemed to melt into this new embrace. 

What a weird night. Surprisingly good, but weird. 

“I’m gonna be so hungover tomorrow,” Julie whined, quietly.

“Well that’s what happens when you start the night with drinking tequila straight from the bottle.”

“Shut up, it’s just — you know—” Julie’s tongue felt heavy as she struggled to find the right words. “I have to go to class tomorrow and everyone’s already being so fucking horrible right now, even if they don’t mean to be, but I just hate this. I hate being around people and — and I can’t even think about music right now, let alone try and perform anything.”

“So don’t.” Carrie shrugged and it jostled Julie’s head just enough to send her vision spinning for a moment.

“What do you mean, don’t?”

“I meant what I said, Molina. Don’t perform. Don’t do anything you don’t want to. Fuck, take the semester off and, I dunno, get a job doing something not even remotely related to music,” Carrie said, wistfully, almost like she’d been carrying that concept around for a while now. 

Julie side-eyed her, as best she could without moving her head. “But I’m supposed to be a music major.”

Carrie sighed and ran her fingers over the beads in Flynn’s braids, gently, like she was holding something so precious in her hands. “We’re all supposed to be something. I mean, you’ve met my dad right? And my brother is out there doing his rockstar thing. Who is Carrie Wilson if she isn’t a star too, am I right?”

Her voice was more bitter than Julie expected, but she could almost imagine it. No school, no teachers or classmates, no _music_ , not for a while, not until Julie was ready for it. She could just be a regular citizen of Los Angeles, instead of _Julie Molina_ , rising star, girl with the dead mom. 

“Hm, that’s a thought,” Julie snuggled down into her hoodie and their cuddle pile. “I’d have to move off campus though. Get an apartment.”

“It’d be cheaper with a roommate or two,” Carrie said quietly. 

“I could probably talk Flynn into commuting,” Julie mused, “Have you ever considered moving out of the sorority house?”

Julie could feel the hitch in Carrie’s breathing before she asked, “Do you…do you think Flynn would be ok with it?”

Almost as if she could hear them, Flynn reached out in her sleep and grabbed on to Carrie’s sweater, pulling herself closer. Julie snorted and wished she’d recorded this moment, because explaining it tomorrow was going be impossible.

“I think you might need to do some apologizing, but yeah, I think we could work something out.”

“Right,” Carrie nodded, “Apologize. Then figure out what I want to do with my life. But only if you do it with me, Julie.”

“Ok,” Julie whispered, but it felt right. Like someone had loosened the rubber band that had been tightening around her chest all day, so she could finally breathe again. Her dad was going to be disappointed, but she needed space right now, space to just exist in a world where her mother wasn’t going to greet her at the door of their house, pressing kisses into her hair and telling her she was was proud of her ever again. She needed to learn how to live on her own and right now music was too much, too heavy, like a cement block tied to her feet, dragging her further under the waves of grief and regret. All she could do right now was tread water, and maybe that was ok too. 

—

The next day, when a shockingly perky Carrie slammed an LSAT review book and a folder of papers on their lunch table, nearly scaring the life out of a bleary-eyed and hungover Flynn, Julie thought about how a break didn’t mean forever, but maybe it could be like a recovery period. A time for rest. 

Carrie handed her the form for a Leave of Absence from the school, looked her square in the eyes, and said, “A deal’s a deal, Molina.”

Flynn openly gaped at Julie, but she just shrugged and took the form. “You first, Carrie,” she said, gesturing towards Flynn.

She grinned to herself and started to carefully fill in the blanks of the form as she listened to Carrie stumble through a semi-decent apology to Flynn. Maybe they could look into apartments this afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic title is from "Soon You'll Get Better" by Taylor Swift, because sad mom song, obvs. 
> 
> So I struggled trying to find a musical inspiration for this fic, and I ended up writing this chapter without any specific background music, which in retrospect felt appropriate. This first chapter is all about how Julie can't sing, so there's no referenced music in it or for the chapter title.
> 
> So Julie's Leave of Absence turns into Never Going Back, which is referenced later in this story, just so everyone isn't confused. I also love the idea of Carrie being a lawyer, like Legally Blonde-style. Like I always listen to "All Eyes On Me" and while I love it, it also feels something like a cry for help? So in this story, Carrie decides to apply for law school because she likes arguing and most importantly she likes winning.


	2. july 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are consistent chapter lengths? I've clearly never heard of them.
> 
> So again, this is a moment of Julie's journey that takes place before 'a demon in my backseat', about 3 years before if anyone is keeping track of the timeline. I really wanted this chapter to be like the chapter that provided the basis for the Julie/Reggie side of the OT3 and make it seem a little less out-of-left-field, but also continue to explore Julie's relationship with music as time has gone on. So, hope you guys like this one!
> 
> Chapter specific content warnings: panic attacks, drinking, grief/mourning, referenced canonical character death (Julie's mom), some negative self-talk in the context of anxiety/panic attack, brief implied jealousy in a relationship

This was the most boring bachelor party that Julie had ever been to in her life. Not that she’d gone to all that many bachelor parties, but an hour of Scrabble later and Julie felt like she could confidently say that this was the most boring bachelor party in all of LA. 

Flynn had been so enthusiastic too when she’d asked Julie to come with her. Apparently one of the artists that Flynn managed was getting married, and she and Carrie had flipped a coin to decide who would go to which bachelor party as they were both friends with the couple and both parties were happening on the same night.

“Alex is a cool guy, you’ll like him! I promise,” Flynn had practically begged, “Also he’s supposed to be inviting some cute friends!”

Julie had rolled her eyes, “You know I’m not looking to date right now. Not after the disaster that was Nick.”

Flynn had waved her hands as if to dispel the memory of that train wreck - that Flynn had set up! - and continued on without pause, “You say that, but it’s been months. You need to get back out there! What better time than at a bachelor party, celebrating a beautiful gay love story, romance wafting through the air?”

“Ew, don’t say wafting again and I might consider it.”

Eventually Flynn had worn her down - promises of grandiose love notwithstanding - but when they showed up at Alex’s apartment, they were the only ones there. 

“Reggie - he’s my best man - is running late from work. Apparently there’s a bad accident and he got caught in traffic, but he said we should get started without him,” Alex had shrugged awkwardly, leaning in to give Flynn a brief hug. 

His apartment was gorgeous. There was some stereotype in there about gay men and interior design, but as he gave them a brief tour of the place, she had to admit that some stereotypes were rooted in reality. The living room was coordinated in shades of blue and white, with a tasteful amount of plants dotted the space, making it seem very bright and lively. It probably looked even better during the day when the huge windows could let in bright streams of daylight. Like a gracious host, he offered them glasses of wine and placed a very classy charcuterie board on the coffee table for them. Julie had a moment of vertigo, wondering how a broke queer bartender ended up in this fancy apartment and whether she was even allowed to sit on the furniture. 

Flynn, clearly, did not have the same apprehensions as she practically threw herself on the white couch, magically avoiding a disastrous red wine spill. 

“So, Alex! What’s the plan for tonight? Who else is coming? Where are we headed? This is just the pregame right?”

“Oh! Uh, well, Reggie is on his way,” Alex nervously twisted his hands, “And, uh, everyone else kinda decided they would rather go out with Willie? So it’s just us? But I have Scrabble!”

While he fished the board game out of the closet, Julie and Flynn shared a Look. It was a Look they’d perfected over years of being best friends, one that communicated beyond the pale of mere words, a message they both could feel deep in their souls. It translated roughly to “what in gay hell is this”. They were going to need a lot more wine to get through this night. 

An hour and two glasses of wine later, Julie knew she was right. Oh Alex was a sweetheart, that was true, but if she had to referee one more fight between Flynn and Alex over whether or not “kleenex” was an acceptable word to play, she was going to lose her mind. 

“It’s a proper noun!”

“It’s a type of tissue!”

Thankfully, just then there was a knock at the door and Julie practically leapt over the back of the couch to answer it and get away from the board games. 

Julie almost smacked herself in the face flinging the door open in her eagerness and then had to catch herself on the door because. Damn. The man on the other side was, well, to put it lightly, _fucking hot_. 

He should’ve looked like an asshole, wearing a leather jacket in July in LA, but he somehow managed to pull off the combination of leather and a black muscle tee in a way that just made him look edgy, and she couldn’t even pretend like she wasn’t looking at how his skinny jeans hugged the outline of his legs. Maybe it was the eyeliner or the dark curl of a tattoo that was just barely visible over the edge of his collar, but the whole picture was causing a bite of lust to twist in her gut.

Flynn cleared her throat from the couch and gave Julie a pointed look. 

“Oh!” Julie jumped out of the way of the door. “You must be Reggie, Alex said you were coming!” Her voice was doing that weird high-pitched thing when she was trying to hide that she was attracted to someone and from the smirk on Flynn’s face, her best friend was totally going to call her out on it too. 

“That’s me!” He chirped, giving an awkward wave. The motion transformed him instantly from edgy bad boy to complete dork, and somehow that was even more attractive to her?

Get it together, Molina, Jesus. 

He halted abruptly in the living room to give his friend a deeply pitying look. “Are you kidding me, Alex? You have these two gorgeous ladies here for your blowout bachelor party and you’re playing _Scrabble_?”

“Even worse, he’s losing at Scrabble,” Flynn said smugly, ignoring Alex’s indignant “hey!”. “I’m Flynn and you met my best friend Julie at the door. Yes, we are completely gorgeous, thank you for noticing.”

“I couldn’t have missed it,” Reggie said to Flynn, but he was looking at Julie and the wink he shot her was so incredibly dorky, but she couldn’t deny how it made her heart flutter.

Alex huffed and crossed his arms. “Ok, Reg if you’re done flirting with _my_ guests, please thrill us with the plans for this evening? You were supposed to have planned this thing.”

“We,” Reggie drew out the word, drumming on his own thighs, “are going out my friend! And you are the only person who is not ready. Seriously, you cannot wear that, let’s get changed, come on,” he grabbed Alex by the collar of his perfectly boring white button down shirt and essentially bullied him into his room. 

The second they were alone in the room, Flynn turned to face Julie with an evil grin. 

“So, Reggie, huh?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Julie muttered, hiding the blush she could feel warming her face behind her wine glass. 

“Girl, he’s into you! I could see the way he was looking at you!” Flynn reached out to smack her shoulder.

“Ow! Hey!” 

“I’m just saying, just let me know if Carrie and I should stay away from the apartment tonight.”

“Oh my god.” Julie considered burying her face in the couch, but she didn’t want to smear her makeup on Alex’s beautiful white couch, especially not if they were planning on going out. 

It wasn’t that Flynn was wrong about it either, which made it even more annoying. It had been a while since she’d been hit in the gut with such a strong feeling of want for another person, but that didn’t mean she was just going to just hop into bed with a virtual stranger!

Luckily she was saved from further teasing by the reappearance of Alex and Reggie. Julie had to admit that Reggie had worked some magic on Alex and now he looked ready for a night on the town. He’d exchanged the boring white button down for a sheer mesh top that was embroidered with pink flowers and tight white pants that did wonders for his ass. 

Flynn and Julie both let out approving whistles.

Alex blushed but still did a little spin for his audience and Reggie whooped.

“Alright, ladies, now that we finally look good enough to be seen with you in public, I happen to know that Dirty Candi is performing on Santa Monica Boulevard tonight, so that’s where we are headed,” Reggie slung an arm around Alex, who’s face had lit up at the mention of the dance group. 

“Our Uber should be here in fifteen minutes, which is just enough time for a round of shots, so let’s do this.” Reggie headed into the kitchen and Flynn practically shoved Julie in after him mouthing “go get him!” at her.

Julie sighed but followed anyway, because it wasn’t exactly a hardship to watch Reggie bend over and root around the pantry, assessing the liquor options available to him. He made a triumphant noise and backed out holding a bottle of vodka that looked more expensive than anything Julie had ever served in her bar.

“I knew Willie would have some of the good stuff in here. His dad is kinda a snob, but he always gets them expensive booze,” Reggie told her conspiratorially and Julie couldn’t help but smile. 

“So you’ve known them for a while?”

Reggie laughed, “Yeah you could say that. I met Alex when we were in seventh grade and he hasn’t been able to get rid of me since.” He opened up a cabinet and pulled out shot glasses that Julie took out of his hands and set on the counter. 

“Ah, I understand that. Flynn and I met when our moms put us in the same playpen together when we were six months old. We’re basically sisters.”

“Well then,” Reggie carefully filled two of the shot glasses, “here’s to old friends and new.”

He handed her one of the full glasses, eyes sparkling with some boyish mirth, and her heart felt light at the sight. She leaned on the counter next to him and smirked, clinking their glasses together, before throwing the shot back like the professional that she was. 

“Oh man, that is way too smooth, are you sure it’s vodka?”

Reggie laughed and nodded, “I told you it was expensive.”

Flynn shouted from the other room, “Are you two drinking without us? Get your asses in here!”

“We are being summoned, m’lady,” Reggie refilled the shot glasses and handed two to Julie to take into the living room, where Alex and Flynn cheered on their return. 

“To Alex and Willie!” Reggie declared, holding his glass high. “May your disgustingly sappy and magical love story go down in gay history!”

With a second shot, Julie was starting to feel pleasantly tipsy, her head just starting to drift into that floaty space where the edges of the world were just a little softer and she didn’t care quite so much about the details of everything. She rarely drank enough to be _drunk_ these days, but it was nice to let go every now and then and trust that someone else would get them where they were supposed to be.

Which probably explained why she didn’t really remember the details of the drive to the bar, but it didn’t seem to matter so much when Alex was clearly having the time of his life on a neon lit dance floor, twirling Flynn around and dancing in a way she wouldn’t have expected from the anxious nerd she’d met earlier that night. And she was content to lean against the bar next to her new friend Reggie, his body a brand of warmth where he was pressed up against her side in the crowded room. 

“You know I’m a bartender, right?” She had to lean close and shout almost directly in his ear to be heard over the music. “I can’t believe you took me to a bar on my night off.”

“No shit? Can you do any of those crazy bottle flipping tricks?” Reggie looked delighted at the prospect, and his face fell comically when she shook her head. 

“I’ve only been working as a bartender for like three months and the bar I work at is, well, calling it a dive might be a compliment.”

Reggie’s laugh was a bright glow of light in the darkness of the bar and Julie wanted to chase it, like a firefly at night, leading her off the well-trod path she’d been stuck on recently. 

“What do you do?” Julie asked, taking a sip of the mixed drink that she’d paid way too much for considering how much ice and how little alcohol was in it. 

“I write music, mostly country songs these days,” Reggie said and Julie felt her throat close up.

She knew that meeting someone in LA who worked in the music industry was like finding a leaf in a forest, they came a dime a dozen, but Julie couldn’t help her gut reaction to the thought of making music - _still_ , this was still a fucking problem for her. She hated it, hated so much that she couldn’t just be normal about this and just talk to a nice guy without being a complete _freak_. 

Julie was saved from her internal spiral by the appearance of Flynn dragging an out-of-breath and giggling Alex over to the bar, where she collapsed onto Julie. 

“Oh my god, I’m going to be so sore tomorrow but this is so much better than Scrabble, thank you for saving us Reggie!” 

“Oh you are so welcome,” Reggie smirked at Alex, who had a comically exaggerated frown on his face.

“Scrabble is a perfectly acceptable party game—”

“No!” They cut him off in unison and then laughed at the unintentional coordination. 

“You guys are just haters,” Alex huffed, but then suddenly straightened up looking towards the door of the club. “Is — is that Willie?”

Julie and Flynn whipped their heads around and sure enough, Willie was making his way through the crowd towards the bar, followed closely by Carrie and three other people that looked vaguely familiar to Julie, but she couldn’t place them. 

“I might’ve texted him to let him know where we were gonna be,” Reggie admitted, and he sounded sheepish but when Julie looked at him he was smirking into his drink.

Alex was practically bouncing when he leaned over and smacked a sloppy kiss to Reggie’s cheek, “Best friend ever! Love you guys, bye!” And then he took off towards his future husband, darting surprisingly gracefully around the crowd of strangers until he could practically jump in Willie’s arms. 

Flynn crossed her arms and scrunched her face up, “You know, I should be annoyed that you caused the bachelor to ditch his own party, but they are just so damn cute. Who could be upset about that?”

She gestured at where Willie had tipped Alex into a low dip, kissing him passionately and ignoring the wolf whistles of the crowd around them. Even Carrie looked less aloof than usual at the display.

“Save something for the wedding night!” Julie called out, and was rewarded with Alex flipping her off without breaking the kiss. 

Julie and Flynn dissolved into giggles, leaning heavily on each other to stay upright. 

When they finally caught their breath, Flynn reached out to pat each of them on their shoulders. “This has been fun you guys, but Carrie is over there looking like a damn snack and mama is hungry.”

“Alright, go dance with your girlfriend.”

“Oh no, that’s not how this works,” Flynn shook her finger, “I’m gonna go dance with that guy over there, right where Carrie can see us. And then she’s going to get annoyed, and she’ll try to act like it doesn’t bother her, but I can guarantee that she won’t last more than fifteen minutes before she’s cutting in and I am getting what I want.”

She snagged Julie’s drink out of her hand and tossed back the last of it, before blowing them both a kiss and heading out to the dance floor. 

“Wow,” Reggie looked somewhat stunned, “are they always like that…?”

“Yeah, arguing is basically foreplay for them. They were a nightmare the first year that we all lived together before they finally realized they were in love with each other.”

Julie was considering ordering another drink when a loud voice called out “ _Julie Molina_?” from behind her, startling her so bad she almost smacked her head into Reggie’s chin.

“Oh my god, hi!” A skinny dark-haired guy that had come in with Willie and Carrie wiggled his way in between Julie and Reggie, who looked hilariously offended to have been pushed out. “It’s me, Jared Langley? I was in the class below yours at Thornton. It’s been years, girl, how have you been?”

Ah, that’s why he had looked so familiar before, but she still only vaguely recognized him from the walkways of their previously shared campus. 

“Jared! Of course, hi! I’m great, how are you?” She did an admirable job of faking her enthusiasm, but internally she wanted to die. She had no desire to relive any part of her time at USC; she actually actively avoided talking about it, to be honest. 

That was all the prompting that he needed to launch into a tirade about something something fashion? Julie could barely hear him, nor did she really care to. Especially not when Reggie started making funny faces over his head at Julie in order to try and make her laugh at the wrong moments.

“Oh my gosh, you should sing for us!”

Julie was ripped away from the distraction of Reggie’s wiggling eyebrows by a phrase she hadn’t heard in years, not outside of her nightmares at least.

“What?” she asked, hoarsely.

“They’re setting up a karaoke machine! Girl I remember hearing your voice, you were a damn wrecking ball at school! You should get up there and sing! Everyone would love it!”

The world, which moments ago was soft and welcoming in her tipsy state, suddenly became a harsh blare of noise and light and Julie could feel her heart rate picking up, her breathing turn shallow and painful.

“No — I couldn’t—”

“Aw, just one song?”

“No!” Julie harshly ripped her body away from the counter and stumbled backwards, knocking into some nameless patron. “I mean, I can’t, I’m sorry, I’ve gotta go—”

The floor was tilting under her feet as she tried to make her way to the door, to any door, she just had to leave this bar and these people and the thoughts of _singing_ and _music_ and — and —

The night air wasn’t cool but it still felt refreshing as it blew over her sweaty face when she finally pushed her way through the alley door. She felt her way along the brick wall, her fingers trailing along the rough surface, until she found a spot she could collapse against it. She curled her knees into her chest and tucked her head down, unwilling to face the rest of the world.

She couldn’t even handle the thought of trying to open her mouth and force a song out, let alone getting on a stage in front a packed room. Everyone watching, everyone _knowing_ …her chest was tight and painful as she tried to suck in enough air to prevent the tunneling darkness at the edge of her vision from overwhelming her. She couldn’t pass out here, but everything hurt all of a sudden, everything was too much, too loud, too bright and she just wanted to go home and curl up in bed under her blankets and hoodies and — and she just wanted —

She wanted her mom.

 _God_ , this was so embarrassing. Tears were smearing the make up on her face, but she couldn’t stop crying, broken waves of grief crashing through her. She was supposed to be _better_ , it had been _years_ and yet here she was consumed with loss like she had just gotten the call from Carlos, his voice echoing her worst nightmares down the line.

Except the voice she was hearing didn’t sound anything like Carlos, if she stopped to listen for a minute.

She tilted her head just slightly to peak over the edge of her elbow and there was Reggie, sitting next to her, back against the grimy alley wall with his legs kicked out in front of him, apparently uncaring that his nice outfit was getting covered in dirt and other unmentionable nastiness. He seemed to be monologuing about — pizza toppings? 

“—and I know that everyone feels like pineapple is such a big controversy but actually, I think it just demonstrates the versatility of pizza as a category of food, like honestly why stop there—”

She let his voice wash over her, comforting and steady while he rambled about utterly inane subjects, finally able to regain control over her breathing and calm her racing heart. When her tears finally dried up, she uncurled and straightened her back against the wall, feeling each vertebrae crack back into place. 

“Hey,” and Reggie was smiling at her, face so _soft_ she could barely stand it.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice raw from crying.

He made a questioning noise in the back of his throat, “For what?”

Julie made a vague gesture meant to encompass her whole being.

“Abandoning you in there? Ruining the party? Being a huge mess? Take your pick.”

“Hey, no, stop that,” Reggie reached out like he wanted to hold her face, but he curled his fingers back at the last second. “Is it ok if I touch you? Alex doesn’t like to be touched after a panic attack, so I don’t want to make things worse.”

Instead of answering, Julie just reached out and grabbed his hand, dragging him closer so she could curl into his side. Reggie let out a soft noise of surprise but his face looked pleased, so she twined their fingers together and held on tight. 

Reggie sighed and leaned his head against her curls. “It was because of that guy in there asking you to sing, right?”

She made a distressed noise, but Reggie shook his head and made a soft shh, “You don’t have to talk about it, unless you want to. But I should be the one saying sorry, I shouldn’t have let him get so close.”

“You couldn’t have known,” she croaked out.

“I could tell you weren’t comfortable,” he shrugged. 

After a few moments of silence, Reggie said lowly, “Alex and I used to be in a band. Like a good one. But it, uh, it didn’t so much break up as crash and burn. And I can’t perform anymore. That’s why I just write music now. Like I love music, don’t get me wrong, but performing without Lu— without the band, just feels wrong, you know?”

Julie hummed because she _did_ know, she knew exactly what he meant and she didn’t know how she got so lucky to have him here with her now, in this filthy alley holding her through one of her worst breakdowns in years. There was a complete lack of judgment or pity in his voice, just a steadiness that she’d been missing without even knowing it, like he was providing a rhythm to keep her on beat and get her back on track.

“I guess, I’m not trying to say it’s the same, or like I know exactly what you’re going through — I would never, you know, want to assume or anything, that would make me a prick,” Reggie fumbled his words but he was so sincere it was making her chest ache in a different, good way, “—Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that there’s nothing to be ashamed of and you didn’t ruin anything. I mean, I’m holding the hand of the most gorgeous girl in the bar right now, so I’m considering tonight a total win.”

Julie laughed wetly, “Yeah, snot and tears are really sexy.”

Reggie gripped her hand tighter and said insistently, “The most gorgeous girl in all of Los Angeles. In all of California, even.”

“Flatterer.”

“It’s not flattery if it’s true!”

Reggie stood up, using their linked fingers to pull Julie up to standing with him. “C’mon, I told Flynn I would take care of you. I have a couch in my apartment that pulls out into a bed and I just got _Moana_ on DVD, so you can’t expect me to watch it alone, now can you?”

He gave her the biggest puppy dog eyes she’d ever seen on a grown man, but damn if they weren’t extremely effective. She gave in and gestured for him to lead the way out of the alley to where they could catch a ride.

—

She woke up the next morning cocooned in a neon orange fleece blanket and an oversized black t-shirt that said “biceratops” under a picture of a blue, purple, and pink dinosaur that Reggie had loaned her the night before when she realized how much dirt had ended up on her nice dress. She felt — well, somewhat hungover, but actually much better than she’d honestly expected after the night she’d had.

From her spot of the couch, she could see Reggie in his kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards and pulling out what appeared to be a box of every sugary cereal known to mankind, and she couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips as she watched him.

She was surprised at how comfortable she felt here. His apartment was a tiny studio, and he seemed to have crammed every possible instrument in here — at a quick glance, there was an electric and an acoustic guitar on stands by the door, a fiddle case open on the kitchen table, a french horn next to the sink, a banjo in his bed, and she’d even seen a flute on the bathroom counter. He clearly lived and breathed music, but he hadn’t pushed or prodded last night, never even asked for more details about her breakdown, just popped _Moana_ in the DVD player and cried when Te Fiti’s heart was restored. He’d been a perfect gentleman about her staying over and she felt the attraction from the day before bloom into something warm and soothing in her chest.

And - the scariest thought of them all - was that maybe she could get used to this, to him and his apartment and _his_ music. Maybe she could let that spark of lust grow into something a lot more dangerous. Something _real_.

But that was a problem for future Julie. Present Julie was too busy letting Reggie talk her into an unholy combination of Lucky Charms and Coco Puffs while they sat on the couch and watched Saturday morning cartoons in their pjs. The butterflies in her stomach could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, no songs were specifically referenced in this chapter, partially because Julie is still not comfortable with her own musical journey yet, but I consider "Friends Don't" by Maddie & Tae to be the Julie/Reggie song for this series. Of course it had to be a country song. 
> 
> Other options I considered for Reggie's bi shirt were "bisexu-whale" and "do you like boys or girls? yes". By the way, all of these shirts are available on Etsy, which is what provided my inspiration, so go check those out (no, this is not sponsored).
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's commented or left kudos! They warm my heart in this cold winter and give me the inspiration to keep writing! Also I did not realize how popular Lawyer!Carrie was gonna be lol. I have been wanting to write a Flynn/Carrie frenemies-with-benefits to lovers fic, so maybe Lawyer!Carrie will get her own story someday.


	3. years of hoping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place during and right after 'a demon in my backseat' and will not make a lot of sense if you haven't read that first! 
> 
> Chapter specific content warnings: canonical character death (Julie's mom), grief/mourning, referenced non-explicit sexual activity, referenced drinking

“ _Where have you been?_ ”

Flynn’s words were ice cold, hissed nearly silently into the room, and Julie felt her heart plummet. If she’d been yelling, screaming her head off, Julie wouldn’t have been so concerned, but the absolute sub-zero frigidity of her tone conveyed just how upset Flynn truly was.

Julie had been hoping to sneak in the apartment, shower, change, and sneak back out to work before either of her roommates realized she was home, but that was clearly a pipe dream of epic proportions. Flynn had moved their beloved overstuffed ugly rust-colored recliner so that it was facing directly across from the door of their apartment, and she was sitting in it cross-legged and cross-armed, looking so tightly wound up that Julie was afraid she might pop. 

From the looks of things, Flynn hadn’t moved from the recliner in a while either. There were several fuzzy blankets draped over its back and wound around Flynn’s waist, covering the soft, gray sleep pants that she knew had a dozen holes in them but Flynn refused to toss out because they were so comfortable. She was wearing one of Julie’s hoodies and had her braids swept up in a silk headscarf, both of which looked wrinkled from extended wear. An extension cord was running from the living room to keep her phone charged. Half a dozen dirty coffee mugs dotted the area around the recliner, and Julie could see a covered plate of food on the counter that Flynn clearly hadn’t touched.

Well that explained the single text message that Carrie had sent her: three knife emojis.

The other ninety-four texts that she’d received had mostly been variations on Flynn asking her where the hell she was and threatening to do heinous things to her clothing if she didn’t respond. She had left Reggie’s eight texts unopened.

“Well?” Flynn prompted, indignantly.

Julie took a deep breath to brace herself.

“I met someone. I was at their place.”“For TWO DAYS?” Flynn almost exploded out of the recliner to stand in front of Julie.

“I texted you!” Julie held up her hands in supplication. 

“Oh yes, how could I forget,” Flynn rolled her eyes and pulled her phone up in front of her face. “Wednesday at 12:37 AM: Met a guy at the bar tonight. Going home with him, don’t wait up. Winky face emoji.”

“See?” Julie gestured, darting quickly around Flynn towards the kitchen island, so she could dump her purse and jacket.

“Jules, you sent that on _Wednesday morning_ , it’s _Thursday evening_. I haven’t heard from you in almost 48 hours. I was ready to call the cops because I was worried you’d been kidnapped and murdered!” 

Julie winced as she reached into the cabinets to grab a bag of coffee and a mug. She hadn’t meant to cause a panic or to go so long with complete radio silence, but Luke had been right. Being with him had been like being in a bubble - a beautiful bubble of music and connection and lightness like she hadn’t felt in years. She hadn’t had a breakdown about singing in over a year, but she still wouldn’t have gotten near that stage if he hadn’t been there in front of her asking, _what’s stopping you_? 

All this time and it had come down to one question: what was stopping her?

A million things. Her dead mother who’d never watch her perform again, but who she was always looking for in the audience. The disappointment of her teachers and family and friends, who she was always letting down, over and over again. The way her voice cracked after not being used in years. The panic attack building under her skin.

Fear. Shame. Guilt.

But Luke had held his hand out to her without any expectations, just an invitation to the start of some kind of adventure, like anything could be possible if she just reached out and took it, trusted him to catch her if she fell. And his face when he looked at her had been so unthinkingly vulnerable, open like a book for her to read his every emotion. She wondered if he needed her up there just as much as she had needed him. Like she had been _his_ lifeline, rescuing a drowning man.

Their singing had sparked something in her, some tiny flame that she’d thought had been extinguished forever seven years ago. Having energy for music again - creativity rushing through her veins like the most exhilarating high she’d ever known - nothing could compare. 

The connection she felt, singing and writing with Luke? It was almost supernatural. 

And to be honest, the last two days had also been the best sex she’d ever had. She hadn’t known she could come that many times in a row, but Luke was extraordinarily talented with his tongue, it was downright _sinful_. So yeah, maybe she’d forgotten to pick her phone up for a bit, but who could blame her when Luke had been holding on to her hips, tight enough to bruise and using his mouth to—

“Hey!”

Flynn snapped her fingers in front of Julie’s nose and she startled, realizing that she’d zoned out with the bag of coffee held in the air, stuck halfway to pouring the grounds into the machine.

“Stop drifting off while I’m still yelling at you,” Flynn frowned. 

“Sorry,” Julie said, busying herself with the buttons on the coffee machine. “I really didn’t mean to make anyone freak out, I just…”

“Just what, Jules? Just scared the life out of me and Carrie and all our friends?”

Julie looked over at Flynn and realized that her friend wasn’t exaggerating. Flynn always wore her heart on her face, and Julie was an expert in reading the flare of her nostrils and tremble of her lip that screamed that she wasn’t really angry, she was terrified. 

“Jesus, Flynn, come here,” Julie abandoned her coffee mug and quickly gathered Flynn in a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around her shoulders and pressing her face into the crook of her neck. 

“I’m sorry, I really am,” Julie murmured. “You’re right, I should’ve called, I should’ve thought about what it would look like to you when I just didn’t come home. I won’t do it ever again, I promise.”

Flynn clutched tightly at the back of Julie’s shirt and Julie pretended not to notice when a few hot tears dripped onto her neck. 

“Damn right, you won’t,” Flynn eventually muttered, voice muffled by Julie’s shoulder. “I almost called your dad. Worse, I almost called Tia Victoria.”

“Thank God I came home before you had to resort to such extreme measures,” Julie laughed.

The coffee machine beeped to signal that it was finished and the two of them parted slowly, sniffling and wiping at their faces with their sleeves.

Julie quickly filled two mugs, adding sugar to the one she offered to Flynn but leaving her own unaltered, as she moved to sit at their dining room table, snagging a banana on the way. 

Flynn sat down across from her, taking a sip of her coffee and then gestured expectantly.

“Well? Tell me about this guy, who was apparently so great you couldn’t be bothered to tell your best friend that you weren’t coming home for two days.”

“Oh my gosh, Flynn, you’re never gonna let that go, are you?”  
“You vanishing with a stranger for two days? No, never. I’m gonna come back as a ghost in order to tell our great-great-great-great grandkids about it from beyond the grave. Now spill.”

Julie sighed and stared into her coffee, like it could tell her where to start. “I told you, I met him at the bar and I guess he caught my eye because we never get new people at the bar and also he was dressed like a complete fuckboy, I mean who wears cut off t-shirts in December? But his arms were like wow, so I guess he can keep his cut off rights. And he was funny and gorgeous and so I just, I dunno…” Julie trailed off.

Flynn eyed her suspiciously from across the table. “There’s something you’re not telling me. What’s his name?”

“It’s Luke, why?”

“Last name, Jules. I’m gonna stalk him on social media.”

Julie shook her head, “No way, that’s creepy!”

“Oh please,” Flynn rolled her eyes, “That’s basic. If I wanted to be creepy I’d get Carrie to run a background check on him.”

“Carrie is not going to run a background check on him!”

“Well obviously not, she’s in court today. She’ll run it tomorrow.”

Flynn shrugged nonchalantly and Julie ran a hand over her face to stop herself from screaming. She loved her friends, she really did, they were the bedrock of her life, but sometimes they were a little much.

“Why are you guys like this?”

“You’re gonna have to be more specific. Why are we so magnificent, gorgeous, and smart? God just blessed us like that.”

“Uh-huh.” Julie took a deep drink of her coffee. “Don’t stalk my hook up.”

“Listen, Jules,” Flynn’s face turned serious suddenly, lips twisting downwards and eyebrows furrowing together, “I’m just worried. Hooking up with someone you just met? And then dropping off the planet, no calls or texts? This isn’t like you. I mean, I know you’re upset about everything that happened with Reggie but—”

“This has nothing to do with Reggie,” Julie cut her off firmly. She didn’t want to think about Reggie right now and how much that rejection still smarted, like splashing lemon juice on a paper cut, except the paper cut was a foot long and she was trying to pretend like it wasn’t actively bleeding every time they were in the same room.

She had managed to keep all thoughts of Reggie buried while she was with Luke - until he opened his mouth and had to ask _have you ever been in love_. 

Yes. No. Maybe.

It was complicated. 

Flynn gave her a pitying look, as if she could read Julie’s thoughts from across the table. Maybe she could; it would explain a lot, to be honest. 

“Look, Reggie and I are both adults who are capable of having normal conversations about our feelings, and he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, so,” Julie shrugged, aiming for nonchalant but coming nowhere near that, “We are friends. Just friends. It’s fine.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, sweetie,” Flynn took a drink from her coffee and raised her eyebrows.

“Drop it, please.”

“I will if you tell me what you’re hiding from me.”

“I’m not _hiding_ anything—”

“Yes you are, Julie Maria Cecilia Molina!” Flynn pointed an accusing finger at her. “We’ve been best friends for twenty-eight years and I know what it looks like when you aren’t telling the truth. Why are you lying to me?”

Julie could count on one hand the number of times she’d lied to Flynn during their entire lives:

One, when she was eight and had just discovered that Selena had died, but she didn’t want her best friend to think she was a giant baby for crying over something that had happened four years prior.

Two, when she was sixteen and crushing super hard on a girl in her English class, but she was terrified to come out as bisexual in case her best friend decided she hated her.

Three, when she was lying to everyone in the aftermath of her mother’s death, trying to convince the world that she was just fine, that she wasn’t falling apart from grief and teetering on the edge of a breakdown.

And now. Sitting at their kitchen table, holding back the truth because - why exactly? What was she afraid of?

Each of those times, Flynn had looked at her in the exact same way she was looking right now: hurt and pleading with her to just trust her and trust that their friendship could survive anything, and Julie always, _always_ , gave in because it was Flynn. If she couldn’t trust Flynn, who could she trust?

“I - I sang with him. On Tuesday. At the bar,” Julie mumbled, looking down at her chipped nail polish.

“What?” Flynn sounded shocked, breathless. 

She suddenly couldn’t stay seated, so she jumped up, grabbing her coffee mug and moving towards the sink where, predictably, there were a pile of dishes that needed to be done. No one in the apartment liked doing dishes, but Julie felt jittery and needed something to keep her hands occupied.

“It was just — I mean, the bar was basically empty, just old Mr. Peterson falling asleep in the corner like always. And Luke, well, he wanted to play the guitar. Said that’s why he was there. And he claimed to have every Taylor Swift song memorized, so I basically _had_ to find out if that was true, you know?”

Julie scrubbed at a particularly stubborn stain in the bottom of her favorite mug and tried to act nonchalant, like everything she was saying was just another normal conversation. 

“So, what you’re saying is…a complete stranger convinced you to sing again…?”

Flynn’s words came from a lot closer than Julie expected, and she looked up to see her friend standing at the counter next to her, staring intently at the laminated surface.

Now that they were here, Julie could admit that this moment was what she’d been afraid of. How could she explain to the one person who had been there for every moment of the rollercoaster that had been Julie’s life for the last seven years that, yes it was a random stranger in a bar that had convinced her to do the one thing she’d been more terrified of doing than anything. That Flynn’s encouragement and constant grounding presence hadn’t been enough to get Julie back on a stage?

How could she even begin to put into words that nothing that Luke had said or done could’ve outweighed the years of unconditional love and support Flynn had given her - he’d just been in the right place at the right moment? He’d been the match that lit the dormant fire in her heart, but she’d built the foundation. 

Julie needed Flynn like she needed the air in her lungs and she didn’t know how to say that when Flynn was standing there next to her, looking so lost. 

“It’s not like I planned it or anything, but yeah I guess that’s what happened.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry,” Julie apologized out of reflex. “Wait, I mean — I’m not sorry I sang, I’m sorry it took so long and that you weren’t there for it. It was — it was fucking magical. I’d forgotten, you know? What it felt like to love music like that. To feel so _alive_ even though I was so scared and I missed my mom so much, but I could feel her. It was like she was _there_ , like she was sitting at the bar cheering me on and I wasn’t ready to give that feeling up again. So yeah I went home with him and we spent two days writing music and I should’ve called, but it felt like a dream, you know?”

Julie was crying, tears dripping off her chin and mixing into the soapy dishwater in the sink, overwhelmed with the emotions of the last two days. Flynn turned Julie to face her and she was crying too — when Julie’s mom had died, Flynn had lost so much too, she’d lost her second mother and watched her best friend turn into a ghost at the same time. 

“You don’t have to apologize, Jules,” Flynn wound her arms around Julie’s shoulders and pulled her into a crushingly tight hug, burying her face in Julie’s wild curls. “You look more alive this morning than I’ve seen in seven years and I am so happy for you. Whoever or whatever can bring my best friend back to me like this is good in my books, ok?”

Julie nodded, burrowing herself in the comfort of Flynn’s embrace, grateful that no matter what, they would always have this, they would always have each other. 

—

“I can’t believe that less than a month ago we were getting wine drunk at girls’ night and lamenting how we were going to die alone and unloved—”

“Alone and unloved? Flynn, you and Carrie are basically married, what the hell?”

“Doesn’t count until she gives me the elaborately planned and over-the-top yet excellently choreographed proposal that we both deserve,” Flynn nodded sagely. “But, as I was saying, a month ago you were a shriveled old maid and now look at you, taking me to meet your two boyfriends!”

Julie laughed and shook her head, but couldn’t deny that Flynn was, in her own way, right. Julie-from-a-month-ago probably wouldn’t recognize be able to recognize her now. Even she could see the difference when she looked in the mirror and saw a brighter version of herself looking back. 

“You already know Reggie, the only one you’re meeting is Luke. Maybe try not to threaten him too much?”

Flynn humphed. “I make no promises. He’s not on Instagram, so I don’t know enough about him yet to know whether I trust him with you after he essentially stole you from me for two days.”

“This again,” Julie said fondly, “Let’s get inside, it’s freezing and they texted me to let me know they were already inside, waiting on us.”

Nothing about _Dave’s Bar_ had actually changed — it was still just as grungy as ever, the beloved old health hazard that Julie had grown quite fond of over the last few years of working there. But there was something special about opening the door and being greeted by the sight of Luke and Reggie assembling the ancient keyboard, stealing small touches from each other every few moments and acting like they weren’t blushing each time it happened. And when they realized that she was the one walking through the door, their whole bodies lit up and turned towards her like they were helpless to resist the gravity of her presence. 

Her heart swelled in her chest, overflowing with love and affection for her two dorks. 

Flynn raised an eyebrow in her general direction, but refrained from commenting on the lovestruck expression on her face. 

“Ok, I see what you mean about his arms. I guess I can forgive him for the fashion sin of still wearing cut off shirts.”

Julie’s laugh bubbled out of her without her permission, even as Luke frowned down at his shirt on the stage.

“Come on, come sit up here at the front,” Julie dragged Flynn over in front of the stage and gently pushed her into a seat. “Before we just hang out, there’s something we wanted to show you.”

“Ok, is it a present? Is it a puppy?” Flynn perked up in her seat.

“Oh man, I wish we had a puppy,” Reggie frowned exaggeratedly, but Luke wrapped an arm around his shoulders to console him.

“We talked about this, Reg, our apartments aren’t big enough for a dog.”

Julie smiled fondly, “No it’s not a puppy, but it is kind of a present, I guess. It’s a song, that I wrote for you. Well, I wrote the lyrics and the guys helped me put it to music, so I could say all the things I haven’t been able to say for the last seven years.”

Flynn’s eyes were shiny with tears as she gazed up at her best friend. “You wrote a song? For me?”

“Of course I did,” Julie grinned and moved to sit behind the keyboard, while Luke and Reggie picked up their guitars. “So, it’s still a little rough, but this is called _Flying Solo_.”

Julie placed her hands on the keyboard and found herself hit with a wave of joy that she got to have this again, with her favorite people around her. Flynn being her first real audience felt so right after all the years she’d been there to support her while her music had laid dormant, cold, and silent. 

The moment they finished the song, Flynn basically threw herself across the stage to hug Julie, nearly knocking the keyboard over in her enthusiasm.

“You sounded so good!” Flynn cried into her shoulder, “I missed hearing you sing so much, it was so perfect.”

Julie looked over and saw the unbearably fond looks on Luke’s and Reggie’s faces, so she waved her hand at them.

“C’mon guys, bring it in for a group hug.”

Reggie laughed and dove in, while Luke followed at a more sedate pace, unsure yet of his welcome. They’d fix that soon enough, Julie thought to herself. 

“So…” Luke drew out the vowel slowly, “Does this mean we have best friend approval?”

Flynn side eyed him over Julie’s head and hummed thoughtfully. “I guess you’ve been tentatively approved for now, pending Carrie’s background check.”

“Oh my god, Flynn!”

“What? We’re just looking out for you!”

Luke looked mildly panicked but Reggie just laughed to ease the tension and Julie could see Flynn starting to smile and give in to their charms. 

And later that evening, when Flynn remarked casually, “You know, if you guys got a drummer, you’d make a great band,” Julie knew that her best friend really did approve. 

And from the thoughtful looks on Luke and Reggie’s faces, she might have been on to something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title, like the fic title, is taken from "Soon You'll Get Better" by Taylor Swift. "Flying Solo" is also mentioned, because this is the Flynn & Julie chapter that actually inspired this entire fic. Mostly because I was thinking too hard about Julie staying with Luke for two days and I was like, hmmm if my BFF dropped off the planet with some rando for two days, would I be chill about it? And the answer is no absolutely not. I just love their relationship and how fundamental it is to Julie's character, so I wanted to explore more about that. Also, in this fic, Flynn calls them "Julie and the Phantoms" bc of how Julie ghosted her for two days and she refuses to let it die lol. 
> 
> Fun fact: Saint Cecilia is the patron saint of musicians, which is why I thought Julie might pick that name for her confirmation name. 
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! I love y'all!


	4. what died didn't stay dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it! Happy Holidays/Thursday to everyone else! 
> 
> Chapter specific content warnings: graphic descriptions of hospitals and dead bodies, canonical character death (Julie's mom), grief/mourning

It had been years since she’d been in there, but the first thing Julie noticed is that her mother’s studio still smelled the same. Maybe that was a weird thing to notice, but the rich earthy scents of recently watered plants and wood polish were the first things to hit her when she pulled open doors. 

The studio itself was still achingly familiar, even now. Her mother’s beloved grand piano was covered with a sheet, as was most of the furniture. Several boxes, likely full of mementos and knickknacks too precious to donate lined one wall, but it looked like a bunch of other things had just been shoved precariously into the loft, almost like someone had started to put things away but gave up on neatness halfway through. Still, the layer of dust on everything wasn’t as thick as Julie had feared it would be. 

She noticed that someone had been watering the plants, and it made Julie smile even as she felt a twinge of guilt. She had been in charge of watering the plants before. Before college, and cancer, and loss so big that Julie still struggled with the weight of it. 

Standing in the open doors, breathing in the hauntingly familiar smells, Julie was hit with a wave of nostalgia so strong she almost fell to her knees. She had been practically raised in this studio; there were pictures of newborn Julie strapped to her mom’s chest while her mom sat on the piano bench, of Julie and Carlos giggling inside pillow forts built with the furniture in the studio, of Julie opening her Thornton acceptance letter in this very room. 

And in every memory, the ghost of her mother lingered.

More than any place on earth, this studio felt like home to Julie and she’d been avoiding it because dealing with those memories had been hard enough in a bland apartment. But here, surrounded by all of her mother’s favorite things, she’d been afraid the memories would drown her and she’d never find her way to the surface again.

The last time Julie had been in her mother’s studio had been the night of her Christmas concert. She had blown everyone away that night, hit every note perfectly, stunned the audience with her presence on stage. Her professors had warned her beforehand that there would be industry people watching, looking for talent. She’d known that night would change her life, she just hadn’t realized in what ways.

She’d been on top of the world, but the only place to go had been down. 

She’d never forget finally turning her phone on only to have it vibrate out of her hands with notifications, missed calls and texts. Carlos’ frantic voicemails saying “come now, come to the hospital _now_ , something’s _wrong_ with mom—”

Flynn’s hands, somehow steady on the wheel, speeding through LA traffic. The harsh lights of the hospital entrance. Her father sitting on the floor of the emergency room, numb to the nurse who was trying to move him into a chair. 

The doctor’s hand on her back - she’d been so young, barely older than Julie and but her face had been lined with tragedy when she tried to explain what had happened — _pulmonary embolus, hyper-coagulable state caused by the cancer, we tried everything, she was gone before she got here_ — but the words were jumbled and meaningless in her shock. 

(Later, much _much_ later, Julie would look up those words and laugh until she cried, because of course death had stolen her mother by taking the air from her lungs. It was almost morbidly poetic, except of course there was nothing poetic about her mother being dead.)

And her mother. Clothes cut off, chest oddly sunken and unmoving, still with various needles in her arms and a tube sticking out of her mouth. It hadn’t felt real at the time, like the world’s worst joke. Her mother wasn’t that still, she was constantly moving, doing, creating, living in the most vibrant color, even after surgery and chemo and everything. She didn’t look like this broken wax doll, that the nurses were covering with a sheet for what reason exactly? Dignity? What did the dead need with dignity?

She didn’t remember what happened next. She just remembered being in her mom’s studio, wrapped up in her grandmother’s hand stitched quilt when her dad came in and found her, hours later. Her face was wet and her throat was raw, so maybe she’d cried and maybe she’d screamed, but she didn’t know exactly. In the grey light of those early hours, her father had looked like he’d aged a thousand years in one night.

“ _Papá,_ ” she’d whispered, her voice cracking and breaking on the only question she’d had left, “ _por qué?_ ”

He’d stumbled over to her, falling on his knees in front of the couch like they were in church, praying to a God who’s mysterious ways seemed far too cruel, and gathered her hands in his larger ones. 

“ _No sé, mijita, no sé._ ”

That had been the last time that Julie had set foot in her mother’s studio. She’d closed those doors behind her and had been terrified of reopening them, until now.

She placed her hands on the sheet covering the piano and gently tugged it off, dropping it to the floor. It looked just a magnificent as she remembered it, smoothly polished wood cool under her fingertips. She slid onto the bench and carefully raised the lid.

“ _Hola Mamá,_ ” Julie whispered, swiping her fingers gently over the keys. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here in a while.”

She hadn’t known what she was going to say when she had made her way down here from the house, wanting a few moments of peace by herself before everyone else arrived for dinner. She hadn’t even been sure she would be able to come inside, but now that she was here the words seemed to flow with ease, like her mother was in the room and they were having just another conversation about her day.

“I can’t lie and say that I meant to come by, we both know I’ve been avoiding this place for years. The truth is, I’ve been scared. Scared that accepting you were gone meant forgetting you, that moving on meant I’d lose you even more permanently. So I’ve been stuck, not really living, just surviving. It’s like I’ve been sleepwalking through life for the last seven years because I wasn’t ready to let you go, _mami_.”

Julie paused, closing her eyes to hold back a wave of tears. 

“But I guess I met someone — a couple someones, actually — and it’s been amazing. We started a band, _Julie and the Phantoms_ — Flynn came up with that one, can you tell? Our first gig is tonight. _Papi_ is cooking a big dinner to celebrate before we go for our soundcheck. He’s more excited than we are, I wish you could see it.”

She gently laid her head against the edge of the piano, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply, remembering all the moments she’d spent in this exact spot, learning how to position her fingers and her mother’s gentle encouragement, “I’m going to go back on a stage and sing again, _mami_ , and I know you’ll be there. I can always feel you now when I sing. I was wrong before, because healing has brought me so much closer to you.”

A soft knock from the door startled Julie. When she looked up, she could see Reggie and Luke had stuck their heads in the doorway, giving them the illusion that they were floating.

“Hey, your brother said we might be able to find you out here,” Reggie said softly, moving into the room.

Luke followed him, glancing around the space. “We didn’t mean to interrupt anything, if you want us to go. Your dad just said that the food was almost ready.”

Julie smiled at them, heart aching with how their presence felt so right in this space, not at all like an intrusion. “Where’s Alex?”

Luke smirked, “He and Willie got roped into setting the table.”

“And Flynn and Carrie are on their way, but Carrie said they’d be late for dinner since the deposition took longer than expected.”

Julie watched as Luke and Reggie stepped carefully around the room, like they were afraid to touch anything in case they ruined it. Her idiot boys still seemed to believe the worst of themselves after all this time and all their apologies. She gestured for them to come closer and join her.

It was a tight squeeze, with three grown adults trying to share one single piano bench, but she loved the feeling of them on either side of her, radiating warmth and surrounding her with love. Reggie’s hands automatically fell to the keys, in perfect form, because of course this was one more instrument he knew how to play. She shouldn’t even be surprised at this point. Luke, on the other hand, fidgeted awkwardly, unsure of himself, until Julie took his hands in her own and held them tightly.

“This was my mom’s studio,” Julie said quietly, stating the obvious because she felt like it had to be said. She needed to explain what this meant to her, that she could be in here again, because of _them_. “I haven’t been in here in years, it hurt too much, you know? But it just felt right to come by and tell her about us, the band, our music, and everything.”

Luke gently brought her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, while Reggie wound an arm around her shoulders. 

“Hi Mrs. Molina,” Luke cleared his throat, “I’m Luke and this is Reggie and, uh, we’re in your daughter’s band. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Reggie nodded and added, “And also we’re in love with her. Like super in love with her.”

Julie giggled wetly at their earnest expressions, and she could almost imagine her mom’s face now as if she were sitting across the room, meeting her partners in person. 

“Anyway, we just wanted to tell you that we’re taking care of her. And she takes care of us.”

“It’s a group effort,” Reggie scrunched his face up in that adorable way that made her want to kiss him. 

She wold have too, if a loud bang hadn’t startled all three of them so badly they’d fallen off the bench into a heap on the floor, causing a cloud of dust to rise around them. 

“Oh god,” Luke groaned, having landed on the bottom of the pile, taking the brunt of the others’ impacts. 

“What was that?” Reggie asked, sitting up and shaking the dust out of his hair.

Julie coughed and grabbed Reggie’s elbow to pull herself up next to him. “It sounded like it came from the loft. I hope an opossum isn’t stuck in here, I hate those things.”

Luke looked freaked out by the idea of being in a room with a wild animal, which, considering the state of some of his previous apartments, he really didn’t have any room to judge.

“Reggie, you should go check it out!”

“What? Why me?”

“You love animals!”

“Also you’re the only one wearing sleeves right now! You wouldn’t want us to get scratched right before a show, would you?”

Julie and Luke both turned their best pleading puppy dog eyes on Reggie and, predictably, he caved almost instantly.

“Damn my commitment to fashion,” Reggie mumbled, patting at the sleeves of his leather jacket. He lurched to his feet and made his way over to the rickety-looking ladder, calling back, “If I get rabies and die, I’m gonna haunt both of you so hard.”

Julie pulled Luke up to sitting and patted at the dirt on his back while they listened to Reggie’s continued grumblings in the loft and giggled softly to each other. 

“I don’t see anything that looks like an animal was living up here, just a box that fell over,” Reggie announced. “It spilled a bunch of stuff though. Ooh this is some interesting sheet music - Julie, it has your name on it!” 

Julie’s breath caught in her chest as he waved some pages over the edge of the loft to show her. Even from a distance she could recognize music her mother had written.

“There’s also some cool clothes up here and - _fuck_ ,” Reggie hissed, falling quiet suddenly and Luke jumped to his feet instantly. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, worried, as he helped Julie to her feet, but Reggie was already making his way back down the ladder, holding the sheet music, a white rag, and a CD case in his hands. 

Reggie held the CD case out to them and his hands were shaking.

“It’s _us_ ,” he said, quietly awestruck. Luke had frozen next to her, also staring at the CD, like it might morph into a poisonous snake and bite him if he came any closer.

Julie reached out and grabbed the CD from Reggie’s hands. The front cover was a simple black and white logo, reading _Sunset Curve_ in stylized letters that looked like they’d been copied from something hand drawn. She popped the case open and pulled out the front insert to open it up on the piano, flattening it out to show a picture of four very familiar boys. They looked younger than Julie had ever seen them, full of youthful innocence despite their best attempts to look like serious musicians, but they were still recognizably her boys.

“That’s—” Reggie had to stop and clear his throat, “that was our first EP. We made that when we were seventeen and just starting out. Took us forever to scrape the money together.”

“A lifetime ago,” Luke said hoarsely, unable to peel his eyes away from the picture, “God, we were so young and — I always hated that picture. You can see the edge of my binder if you look closely enough.”

Julie could see what he was talking about now that he had pointed it out to her. She could also hear all the things he wasn’t saying out loud. This picture was taken in the _before_. _Before_ surgery and drugs and fights and rehab and so, so much pain. Her eyes kept moving back to their faces — Luke, Reggie, Alex, and even Carrie’s brother. They looked like _babies_ here, they had no idea what was coming. They had no idea the winding paths ahead of them, what the future would put them through, and how they’d eventually find their way back to each other and to her. 

“My mom loved the club scene, was always on the lookout for new indie bands to listen to,” Julie murmured, answering the question that was on all their minds. “She must’ve seen you perform, at some point.”

“Uh, I think she saw us the first time we played _The Orpheum_ ,” Reggie said, holding up the white rag, which turned out to be a t-shirt with the same _Sunset Curve_ logo printed on it. “She added some rhinestones, but I recognize this shirt. We could only afford to make a few for that show, and then we signed with a label that did different merch for us.”

“Wow,” Julie said softly, reaching out to run her fingers over the pink and blue stones on the shirt. “This is kinda crazy, huh?”

“No, I think it’s kind of amazing,” Luke said, voice thick, “You know it’s always felt like a miracle that we met. How I just happened to end up in your bar that night? That you and Reggie already knew each other, had already fallen for each other, even if you were both being idiots about it.”

Reggie let out a small “hey!” but Julie just patted his arm, because Luke wasn’t necessarily wrong about that.

“What are you saying Luke, that those coincidences were orchestrated by my mom from Heaven somehow?”

Luke shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe someone’s been watching out for us all this time. Maybe they saw what we were going through decided we just needed some divine nudges to get us back on the right track. Because this - _us_ \- has always felt like fate to me. Like you guys are my destiny, you know that right?”

The words were barely out of Luke’s mouth before Reggie had dropped the shirt to grab his face in his hands, dragging him close and kissing him deeply. 

“You’re such a hopeless romantic, Luke Patterson,” Reggie whispered when they finally broke apart.

“Good thing you two love it then,” Luke smirked and Julie couldn’t help herself from wiggling her way in between them to kiss it off his face.

“We love _you_ ,” she said, arms tight around Luke’s neck. Reggie nodded in agreement, burying his face in Julie’s neck and winding his arms around her waist to pull her closer to him. 

“I love you too,” Luke whispered into her hair, “Both of you, so much.”

The three of them stood together, intertwined and just taking a moment to breath in each other’s presence and enjoy the light breeze that was blowing through the studio, the warmth of the late afternoon sun shining through the windows. This place, this moment truly did feel blessed by something, Julie couldn’t deny that. The last time she had been in here, she’d never felt more alone and broken in her life.

Now, she felt like she was finally home.

“We should probably go back in the house before your dad sends a search party,” Luke murmured. Julie was reluctant to break the spell of the moment, but she knew he was right.

Reggie was already pulling away from their embrace, reaching down to pick up the _Sunset Curve_ shirt that he had dropped. “We should show this stuff to Alex, it’ll blow his mind.” 

Julie went to gather up the CD and fold the insert back up into the case, when Luke offered her the sheet music that Reggie had found in the loft. 

“I just glanced at it,” he said, rubbing the back of his head, “but it looks brilliant. If you’re up for it, we could add it to the set list?”

Julie took the music, holding it like it was something precious or breakable. The first thing she noticed was the small note on the bottom that said, _Julie, you can do it, love Mom_. The handwriting was unmistakably her mother’s, the familiar little heart that she drew on all the notes she’d slipped into Julie’s lunches made her heart lurch in her chest. When she flipped it over to the front though, the title made her almost laugh out loud.

_Wake Up._

Hadn’t she just been saying that she felt like she was sleepwalking through her life? 

Maybe Luke was right. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe there was some higher power at work here. Or maybe Julie was just seeing what she wanted so desperately to believe.

Either way, she’d still ended up in the right places at the right times, able to find the love and support she needed to make her dreams come true.

“Thanks, mom,” Julie whispered to the empty air of the studio, clutching the sheet music to her chest, breathing deeply one more time, trying to cement this moment in her memory.

“Are you ready?” Reggie asked, standing next to Luke at the door of the studio, both of them waiting for her. It felt like a big question: was she ready? Ready for dinner, ready to sing, ready to live again?

“Yeah,” Julie said, glancing around one last time. “I think I am.”

As she followed her boys out of the studio, she could’ve sworn she heard her mother’s laughter ringing out, following her up the steps and back into their home, filling Julie’s heart with light and joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from "Marjorie" by Taylor Swift, which is just hauntingly beautiful and very much feels like a JatP moment. I think I listened to it about a thousand times on repeat while writing this.
> 
> Spanish translations: "por qué" = "why" and "no sé" = "I don't know". My Spanish is not the best, so if I've made any errors please let me know and I'll correct them!
> 
> What a fantastic ride this one has been y'all! This fic happened mostly because I couldn't figure out how to work Flynn into demon, but I've loved being able to fill in parts of Julie's journey in the universe. I have a planned Reggie companion piece to round out the series, but I probably won't get that up until the new year. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season and a very joyful new year! Thank you so much for taking this ride with me - your comments and kudos mean the world to me and inspire me so much to keep writing <3 <3


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